my unfiltered thoughts on time & money

overcoming scarcity to live well

Recently, I asked a question on Instagram: “What stops you from going on Retreat?”

The overwhelming answer was: time & money.

I know, I know, I know, I get it. I really, truly do. Money has always been such a fraught topic for me. Plus, I’ve always moved at a million miles an hour with four projects on the go at once, never enough time to do anything other than push things forward at rapid speed.

I grew up in literally endless abundance, all whilst being told we had nothing, that if we stopped, we would lose it all and that there was never enough to go around. It shaped me into an adult that couldn’t slow down, that never had enough and was always afraid of losing it all.

A few years ago, I stayed at my brother’s house after not seeing him in years due to Covid and living interstate and all that. There were a few hours where we tread semi-awkwardly in polite catch-up conversation, remembering who each other was & seeing who each other had become.

He was re-established as my brother when we realised that we could never finish a bag of chips or a packet of biscuits or a tub of ice-cream, we always had to leave some at the end. A little bit left that we would never, ever dare to finish. Scarcity mindset in action.

Similarly, I’ve spent a third of my life being a next time girl. Whilst I want to go to the event, to the weekend away, to the retreat, to the little trip – I would always reason next time. Now is just not the right time. I don’t have enough time. And also, I don’t have money.

At some point I realised I’ve been stuck in an endless no-money, no-time cycle - my life slowly slipping from my youthful grip. I’ve made a conscious effort to approach life differently and I’m now at the point where I see it so clearly: it was never just me. We are all caught in the scarcity trap.

So, here’s what I’ve learnt. Here’s my unfiltered thoughts on time & money.

On money ~

I worked full-time for several years & managed to build up a bit of savings. First 20k, then 30k, then 40k until I reached my peak at 70k. The bank account changed but something did not: my propensity to always, always, always proclaim “I don’t have money.”

It did not matter whether it was something I really wanted to do, or something I didn’t want to do that much and just needed an excuse to get out of, the narrative was always the same. I don’t have money, all whilst having a significant amount of money sitting pretty in a bank account.

Part of this was the ingrained fear from childhood around never having enough and part of this, I believe, came from middle-class guilt of growing up objectively rich. I was in a social justice role, surrounded by people who had grown up either close to poverty or at least, working class. I wanted so badly to be one of the people! It felt so good to pretend to be hard done by, to know the struggle.

Even today, I find myself having to play down any big contract or sold out retreat or grant I receive by saying, it’s not that much!! It’ll all be gone soon!! There’s so many bills to pay! I hear myself doing it, and I cringe. I hear others doing it, and I roll my eyes (and mentally whisper shut the fuck up, you’re allowed to make money).

I turned in my own hindsight grave, when I got down to $126 in my bank account and had to realise that all along, I did have money. I had more than enough – I always have. Honestly what unexpected disaster would send me bankrupt with a $70k buffer!? I cannot think of a single thing.

When I had $126 in my bank account, I invested in something for myself that I really wanted but I’d been putting off for a year. It cost $80. I guess when your funds get that low, nothing really matters anymore. Caution to the wind. Funnily enough, the universe seems to like it when you put yourself first. I received a call from a yoga teacher I’d never met to cover her private class & made that $80 back within hours.

It's been a slow road, and I’m not done yet, but I’ve made good strides pulling myself out of this nonsense by asking myself the question:

Do I actually not have money or am I just repeating the same tired narrative I’m comfortable in?

There’s an additional question of:

Do I not have money or do I actually just not want to do it?

Interrogating myself in this way opened my whole world up. In the last two years I’ve earnt less than I ever have, yet felt more secure than I ever have. I’ve jumped at more opportunities & more experiences and whilst I bet you’d look at my bank account and squirm, I feel rich as heck.

You can grip on tightly to a few plastic-covered notes, to a narrative that makes you feel like you’re a working class one-of-the-people terrified of being torn down as a tall-poppy, or you can just invest in what you actually want to do. You’re not here for that long anyways.

On time ~

You will never have enough money. You will never have enough time. And because of this, no opportunity will ever come your way at the exact perfect moment.

There will always be responsibilities to shift, people to work around, difficult conversations to have - particularly if you want to spend your time on earth living the life of your dreams.

If you spend your life waiting for the right weather, you will always be kept inside.

I was recently in a car with four people over 60. I remarked that I would like a dog, but I can’t have one because I can’t seem to stay in one place.

One of the men remarked, “well it sounds like you’re doing exactly what you should be doing at 31.”

“Yeah.” I said. “But sometimes I want to be 60 so I can settle down with some dogs.”

Three in unison said “Don’t say that! Don’t wish your life away!!”

The fourth, a wise beautiful 60-something year old said something I will never let go of:

“Things get easier when you’re this age. You realise, more of your life is behind you than ahead of you and you have a limited amount of time left. So, you make a list and you figure out how you can make it happen before you go. It simplifies things.”

She just returned from walking the Comino Trail for 40 days, at 60-something, with four pairs of undies in her tiny backpack.

And I realised, she’s not special. And this wisdom should not only be applied when you’re past 60. I’m 31. I also have a finite amount of time left. A third of my life is behind me. I will blink and be 40, blink twice and be 50 and only if I’m super blessed will I even make it to 60.

I realise this is just a spin on “live each day as if it were your last!!” But I think that cliché became so cliché, we forgot it’s actually true.

Life endlessly speeds up, especially as you age. There’s a name for this: it’s called time compression. The days, months, years go by quicker and quicker the older you get.

This year, I’ve been experimenting with the concept of doing less, to get more. Against all the fear of falling behind, all the guilt of not working hard enough, I’ve experimented with whether I can do less & less & less & still keep my head above water.

I haven’t been living luxuriously or in excess, but I have been living exceedingly well.

And here’s the number one thing I’ve learned: you don’t get magically gifted time, you take it.

Every time I pause in my day for legs up the wall, a yoga Nidra or a Youtube sound healing – I am taking 5, 10 or 20 minutes of time, but somehow gifted hours.

There’s a neuroscientific explanation for this: in certain brain wave states your body repairs itself, your brain rewires itself and with this extra space you’re more likely to find the answer to that problem you’ve been going around in circles on. You receive more energy and a creative boost with which to carry on with. All of this is multiplied when you give yourself a weekend of it.

There’s also a more subtle, energetic reason for this. We think that time will magically happen upon us. Or that it will appear only after we’ve achieved whatever it is we’re striving towards. This is not how it works. When you take time, you send the message I have time. Only from there, will more of it magically appear. You have to trust me on this.

Do not wait for the right time. Take it, create it, demand it – it is the only way that you will ever have a life you’re excited about living.

You’re already so used to being generous - with your money and with your precious time - to everyone else but yourself. You already know how it do it for others: now, it’s time to pour back in.

With love,

Brianna xx

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Have I convinced you that now is the exact right time for you to come on retreat with me?

If you book before Friday August 15th, you’ll save $200 on early bird. And there’s payment plans available.

If you’re waiting for next time, don’t! I have no plans to run retreats next year.

Take the time now, and watch your whole world open up. Find out more below ~